Your Grief Journey
You are likely visiting this page because your beloved companion has died. “I’m sorry for your loss” seems trite and overused to express my empathy for you, but I really am so very sorry. Please know that you are not alone in your time of loss. We want to help you on your path to healing. Grief counseling is available with Amy Fisher, our licensed counselor, for those who need or want it. You can join as an individual or a family. We understand that losing a companion can be just as painful as losing human family. They are there for us every day and help make our lives worth living. It is normal for many to feel this loss profoundly; the relationship they had with their pet was one of the most profound in their lives. We hope to help you on your path to healing so you can one day enjoy that bond with another pet again if you so choose.
Some people do not understand the depth of this loss. Some may even imply that you are over-reacting. Hear me when I say: Your feelings are what they are. The fact that you have these feelings means that you need to have them. Never let ANYONE shame you over feelings of love and loss.
As you process your grief and begin to mourn, it is normal to feel strong and conflicting emotions. Shock and disbelief, confusion, physical symptoms, anger, guilt and regret, sadness and depression, and relief and release are all normal feelings. If you are having difficulty processing, please reach out to us, family, friends, or support groups online. There are several hotlines listed here.
The Pet Lover’s Code by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Ten Inalienable Rights After The Death of a Special Companion Animal
Though you should reach out to other as you journey through grief, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.
You have the right to grieve the death of a pet.
You loved you pet. You pet loved you. You had a strong and profound relationship. You have every right to grieve this death. You need to grieve this death. You also need to mourn this death (express your grief outside yourself).
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk about your grief. Other pet lovers who have experienced the death of a pet often make good listeners at this time. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
3. You have the right to feel a variety of emotions.
Confusion, anger, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey after the death of a pet. Feelings aren’t right or wrong; they just are.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
After the death of a pet, your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel like doing.
5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts”.
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural.
6. You have the right to make use of ceremony.
After a pet dies, you can harness the power of ceremony to help you heal. Plan a ceremony that includes everyone who loved your pet.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
At times of loss, it is natural to turn to your faith or spirituality. Engaging your spirituality by attending church or other place or worship, praying, or spending time alone in nature may help you better understand and reconcile your loss.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, “Why did my pet die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. Ask them anyway.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of a special companion animal. Instead of ignoring your memories, find ways to capture them and treasure them always.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief after the death of your pet may not happen quickly. Remember, grief is best experienced in “doses”. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of a beloved companion animal changes your life forever.
“There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals. It is a cycle unlike any other. To those who have never lived through its turnings or walked its rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with full knowledge that they will be broken seems incomprehensible. Only we know how small a price we pay for what we receive; our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given. ”
—Suzanne Clothier